Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
