In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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