You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
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We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
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I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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