I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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