i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
