the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
