New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
