The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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