thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
