you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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