i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
