a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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