oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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