Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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