Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
