hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
