the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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