dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
