people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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