my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
