I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
