So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
