never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have tasted many bathrooms
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
