Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
