I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We were destined to go to rehab together
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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