I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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