I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
