dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
