i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
