On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
