So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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