I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
