Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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