I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
