My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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