It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
