i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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