Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
