How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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