Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
They have beer where we have blood.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
