haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
how drunk are you?
Several
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
