It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
