Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If that was your dad, he is hot
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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