I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
