the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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