hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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