I looked at my own cervix.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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