so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
