I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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