More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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