I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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