whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
