I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
