Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
