remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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