I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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