just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
