yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
