Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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