Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
