I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
