Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Randomize
