Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just had sex on a roof
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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