i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
