I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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