There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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