My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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