this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
