I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So vagazzling was a success
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
