I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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