Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
