Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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