We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
