What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
