It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
