I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
